The Sweetest Way
by Phoenix-Bellamy
Summary: Jin deals with his problems...What if finds out it was all his fault? (yaoi)
1. Default Chapter

Setting: After Tekken4  
Pairing: You'll get used to it...Now I let you guess who's speaking ;P!  
Disclaimers: Tekken characters are not mine, but they belongs to Namco…Paralyzed lyrics are property of Cardigans.  
Author's notes: Please don't kill me! I wrote the Italian version in ten minutes, and I simply translated it in English...It really sucks, I know! Last but not least: If you're Xiaoyu fan, please don't read!!!!! I hate Ling, so I've been really mean with her ^^''''  
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Hwoarang.  
Hwoarang.  
I'll never get tired of repeating your name, over and over again.  
I love the sound it makes, on my lips. A feeling that I can't describe, which makes me shiver every time I pronounce it...  
  
And when I hear you saying, screaming mine when you're coming, or humming it in your dreams.... How couldn't I feel closer to heaven?  
You're my angel, who came to rescue me from my devil side and I'll never thank you enough, you'll never know what you mean to me.  
  
My name seems to become special, magical, when you call me.  
I think I'm addicted to your voice, Hwoarang.  
Music it's nothing but a boring litany compared to your velvety voice, sweet, deep…Seducing.  
  
You loved me, I'm sure; yet you're gone.  
You left our apartment, without giving me a good reason for your choice.  
I'll never understand why.  
You left me. It was a morning like the others...The freezing wind was blowing, and a silent sun warmed all up. The sky was so clear that I believed it was just an oniric vision.  
You dared Xiaoyu came to OUR house, that silly and useless (just that? . NdA14) girl who looks almost happy when she told me what happened to you.   
She hurt me, and you know she would...Because she hated you, she thought it was your fault if I didn't fall in love with her. She was sure I'd be pleased to listen to her cursing, denigrate you.  
But I can't stand someone else talks about what was wrong in you. I know you weren't the personification of perfection...For me you were Hwoarang, with all his values and faults. The man I loved, and I still love with all myself. For the other, you just have to be the Tae Kwon Do fighter of "The King of Iron Fist Tournament. Nothing else.  
  
At least, couldn't you send me someone a little clever than Ling?  
I don't know… There isn't anything I know, anymore!  
Did I ever discover the real Hwoarang, or I've just seen the side you let be showed through your appearance, without even trying to known your better?  
Did I fall in love with Hwoarang or with the Blood Talon?  
  
With the sensitive, frail boy who could be moved by the simplest things, or with the stubborn and arrogant pupil of Baek, my worst enemy?  
I fall in love with both, to be honest.  
  
You were so contradictory...It appeals me.  
I felt like I was the only one who could understand you.  
Was it the truth?  
I never asked you, and now I guess I'll leave all my life dealing with this doubt.  
  
Sometimes, in my dreamless slumbers, I hear someone walking in the corridor.  
Like a fool, I run outside my room, expecting to face my lover. And you're there, waiting for me with open arms...You hug me, as if it is the last time we can enjoy each other warm skin.  
Only after a few time, I find myself crying and I realise it was just a disillusion of my heart.  
  
You'll never come back.  
I'll never see you again.  
Never ever.  
  
It isn't your fault, anyway.  
I know that, what do you think? I'm smarter than Xiaoyu!  
If only I were by your side when you needed me, if only I paid more attention to you, maybe.... Perhaps...If...  
  
Kami-sama!  
My sorrow had been enough…Too much...In my life, yet fate have a great time torturing me!   
And I'll be rather pleased, if I could be the one who suffers the most!  
Noooooooo…  
Destiny prefers to destroy the lives of the ones I love!  
  
My life couldn't be worse.  
I'm not joking.  
If in this moment a lightening hit me and I die immediately, it'd mean that someone listens to my prayers.   
  
Pessimist?  
I'd like to see how would you behave, if you were me!  
First I lose my mother, then Hwoarang.  
  
I deserved it.  
My egoism?  
There isn't anymore.  
  
There's nothing anymore.  
My eyes see nothing but confused shadows, blurry images of the reality.  
I've the felling that someone is here with me, sitting on OUR bed, abusing of YOUR empty place. I can't focus on the lithe frame, which's beside me. I know it's not you, and that's enough for me.   
I never cared about anyone.  
Just about you.  
  
"Jin! Stop moping and start living! You can't waste your time in such a foolish way....  
You can't give up fighting, and doing all the thing all the thing you used to do...You can't give up living!  
I think..."  
  
"Oh? Are actually able to think Ling?  
I'm impressed! Maybe tomorrow we'll see Nina Williams grow older! Or my grandfather charitable!  
YOU AREN'T THE ONE WHO LOST HER FAMILY!  
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT IF INNOCENT PEOPLE HAD BEEN MURDERED!  
Are you trying to convince me that you can understand what I feel?   
Let me tell you. That's the foolish sentence I ever heard.   
You're just wasting your time, Xiaoyu!  
Come back to your Panda!"  
  
I'm sorry, Ling.  
I didn't mean to be so harsh.  
It's just that when I see your disgusting face, I feel so bad...  
It makes me remember, it opens again the scar in my heart, the one that was beginning to cicatrise and every memories it's like a stab in that wound.   
That wound, which is becoming more and more gangrenous.   
  
  
# FLASHBACK# - Six moths before-  
  
It's nice to see your lover has faith in you...It seems that you're afraid I can stab you in the back, my dear Hwoarang!  
That's it. I try to ignore his killing glare, and I speak to him.  
I know he hates to be interrupted while he's busy packing his suitcase.  
Truthfully, everything makes him angry.   
Maybe, even my breath or just my existence.   
  
"Hwoarie-chan, what's up? I thought you were to happy to came back to your dojo, in Korea..."  
  
"Yes, I am. Like you give a fuck about my happiness." replies, cold and distant.  
He doesn't even cares if he's giving me his back, and he keeps throwing clothes in his bag.  
Mh! What a wonderful world...  
He never ignores me! He scolds me, insult me, shout at me...But he has the opportunity to have a fight with me, he never waste it!  
  
"Could you tell me why are you so lovely this morning?  
You're saying since March that you'd like to go to Korea, and know it seems that I'm the one who sends you against your own volition!"  
  
Silence.  
Bad sign.  
That stupid guy, like I said before, love to complain and to be in disagree with me. And he never keeps for himself his opinion.  
Now, instead, look like he's completely uninterested to our conversation.  
  
My Fist hit the wall.  
I feel like I'm an old lady, trying to put some common sense it the rebel thoughts of his grandson.  
He's listening to me, and he's being very gentle and agrees with everything I say.   
But I'm sure...If I say I've seen flying penguins in the Sahara Desert, he'd try to make me think he believed even to that.  
  
I follow him in our bedroom. He's still putting clothes in that poor suitcase!! What does he think it is?  
Mary Poppins' bag?  
He'll notice he has put a lot of useless things, when he'll close it...It's full, and he is going to Korea just for two weeks. He doesn't need to take with him all his clothes!  
I stay on the doorsill; just too see how long he thinks he could act as if I don't exist.   
His careless attitude continues. He doesn't talk; he doesn't makes anything which could demonstrate me he cares if I'm still there or not.   
I got really pissed of his behaviour, and I pat his shoulder, requesting attention.  
He closes the zip of his bag, and watches me. In his eyes I can see rage, anger, scorn and hate.  
Someone could explain me what happened?  
I think there's something I missed! He is so sure I made something wrong, so I'd like to know what could I ever done to look like a criminal in his eyes.   
I literally jump on him.  
He doesn't expect me to act so instinctively, and my lovely redhead loses his balance. He tries to regain it, leaning on me, but I let myself fall on the bed with him.  
I cover entirely his body with mine, so he can't run away again.  
We have to talk.  
Now or never!  
  
He blushes, and I realise our position is...Well.... Quite.... Strange.  
  
I pretend I didn't notice it, even if I could feel my own erection hardening at the sight of his slightly open mouth, of his moist lips which seems to be there just to be kissed for the rest of my life... Hwoarang struggles...He desperately wants to escape from me, but he knows he can't.  
He covers the ears with his hands, and start sing God knows what not so he can't hear me.   
He's so childish sometimes!  
  
"Hwoarang, are you listening? Tell me the heck is going on, or don't dare anymore to use and abuse of my feeling as if I'm just a puppet! I'm tired of living with such an asshole like you!!"  
  
He is really impressed.  
He knows that I never lose my temper.   
Now I'm furious, and I'm frightened because I don't wan to wake up the devil, who's inside me...  
I really lost my head.  
  
"Jin, keep quiet!"   
  
"KEEP QUIET? WHO'S THE ONE WHO IS IGNORING ME SINCE WE GOT UP?  
TELL ME WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT FROM ME!!!!  
YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY!"  
  
I overreacted. I feel guilty for what I said.  
I heard a muffled sigh, and then my lover's cheeks are wet with tears.  
I didn't want to make him cry…  
I encircle his shoulders with my arms, and I hold him.   
My heart skips a beat when I see his face reddened from the tears.  
Dammit…I can't resist when he looks so sad I have to wash his tears away.  
I lie beside him, and I kiss his forehead.  
  
- This is where your sanity gives in  
And love begins -  
  
"Ok, ok. I lost my head, I have to admit it.   
Just tell me what's wrong with you, Hwoarang."  
  
"It seems that you're looking forward to get free from me. I'd like so much if you came in Korea with me." Oh, my koibito is so tender…I really like to spend my holidays with you, but I have to stay here in Tokyo!!!!  
  
"Me too Hwoarang…But I'm so damn busy, lately.  
How could you even think I prefer to work instead of stay at home with my beloved?  
It's just that time is never enough…"   
  
"It's enough to meet Xiaoyu!  
Isn't it?" What is the purpose of this question?  
Is it an accusation?  
It's not true, and ke knows it.  
  
She asked me if I was going to stay in Japan for my summer holidays, and I told her I would.  
Just that.  
  
"FORGIVE ME IF I HAVE A BESTFRIEND!"I answer.  
  
Hwoarang gets up, suddenly, and opens the door.   
  
"FORGIVE ME IF I EXIST, KAZAMA!" he cries, and then he slams the door and walks away.   
  
No.  
This fight is just senseless.  
I can't let him slip...I have to tell Hwoarang I do love him.  
I'm ready to admit it's me who's wrong, that I could tell Xiaoyu I was going to North Pole!  
  
- Oh, it' s a strange desire  
You can not lie  
That's a needless fight  
This is where you sanity gives in  
And love begins…-  
  
I try to phone him, on his mobile, but when he sees my number on his display, he refuses the call.  
My boy his fucking jealous of me, it seems that he is obsessed!   
His jealousy has no reason to exist; because I'll never cheat on him...I love him too much.  
But it makes me feel beloved…  
It's quite hard to explain…  
I love him, and from these scenes I knows he loves me too.  
  
When he wants to, he will phone.  
And I'll be waiting right there for him.  
  
It doesn't matter how long will it takes.  
I'll be waiting.  
----  
I've never seen him again.  
NEVER.  
A friend of my beloved told me one night came hundred of soldier in Seoul, sent by my grandpa. Probably the Tekken Force. Anyway, they destroyed everything they find on their way to richness and fame, until they arrived to Hwoarang's dojo.  
Hwoarang died to save his friends lives.  
  
He's died.  
DIED.  
BURIED SIX METRES UNDER THE COLD GROUND.  
  
I'll never get him back.  
I could cry, scream; let my self fall in the abyss of the deepest derpression.  
But everything I'll do, I will never have Hwoarang by my side again.  
  
I never forget you, my love.  
Now I understand.  
I'll accept my punishment, I'll expiate my sin...I'll never forget. I will never find a way to live without you. I want everybody could see I'm mourning. Because I deserve to.  
And when I'll feel happy, I'll recollect to my mind every single memory of the time I made you suffer.  
  
  
I have no right; I don't deserve to be joyful…  
I destroyed your life, and mine…  
I didn't even how could I been so blind, but I succeed in ruining all. Even the most precious thing I had in my world: YOU.  
The others look at me strangely. I can see they're worried for me, frightened I could kill myself to join you in death.  
Xiaoyu, Law, Paul…Forgive me.  
Forgive me, Hwoarie-chan…  
I know well that you can't. Never.   
But I like to live dreaming you were here with me, and telling me I'd been such a fool. Reassuring me you've forgiven everything.  
Is this a crime?  
  
And even if it were, what changes?  
  
I'll pay my dues, living a long death without you.  
  
  
  
- Never lose your grip  
Don't Trip  
Don't Fail  
You'll use it all  
The sweetest way to die - 


	2. Authors notes

I would like to thank Forevermore who makes me became Hwoarang daughter *___*  
I'd like to thank everyone who'll read the stories I'm going to translate, and this one ^^  
I know it sucks, but it was six months that I stopped translating my fics from Italian to English so my English became terrible...  
If someone'd like to help me and became my beta-reader... ^_____^  
  
To Pam_chan, my Muse ^***^ and to Lizard, the writer of Acceptance who inspires me everyday ^__^ 


End file.
